this is so exciting! Too excited for next
J: Throw a duck, you’ll feel better.
tumblrbot asked: WHAT IS YOUR EARLIEST HUMAN MEMORY?
I used to run up and down the hallway in my house with pick-up sticks while my dog would chase after me and grab the waistband of my diaper.
Now, in hindsight, it probably wasn’t smart to run with sticks.
— me, on fb trying to escalate things quickly.
— me, at work.
Me: You know those musical toothbrushes that play music via vibrations delivered to the jaw?
J: I do now.
Me: One should switch the music on them with instructions from God.
J: That would be very effective if personalized.
J: “Daniel, this is God.”
Me: Morgan Freeman needs also to be involved.
Me: Mass personalization would be easy.
J: We need a name for this product.
Me: I was thinking of making them look like the rest of the music playing toothbrushes with your name personalized on it so you don’t have people using your own awesome toothbrush.
Me: “MARY. THIS IS GOD. I KNOW YOU LOVE COUNTRY MUSIC AND PUPPIES. DON’T KILL IN MY NAME, OK? GOOD.”
J: SubMandible Advertising?
J: SubMandible Messaging?
J: SubMandible Prothletising?
Me: I’m liking the messaging name.
J: I want to see this happen.
Me: Reality TV show idea. Lock a bunch of kids in a McDonalds.
J: Go on.
Me: Call it “Lord of the Fries”
J: It’s rare that I am stunned.
J: I am stunned.
Me: Stunned that this hasn’t happened already?
J: Stunned by how much I like this idea. Also, how has that word play not happened yet?
Me: Also, no education on how to use the fry vats.
Me: Because… I needs me some drama.
J: I like that. What about compressing the employee training into 5 minutes? Speed talk the employee manual!
Me: First day they can actually complete a lunch hour rush, they get to escape.
J: Every one of these reality shows has a leader. What do we call the kid in the lead?
Me: Iron Chef.
Me: That, or Ralph.
J: Top Arch?
Me: Shift Manager.
Me: We can give the winner minimum wage and health benefits. In which by health benefits, I mean a free lunch card. BECAUSE EATING IS HEALTHY.
J: By extension, the cheaper you eat the more efficient your health care system.
Me: America is doing it correctly with $1 hamburgers.
J: We’re #1!